


Floriography

by toffiendfee



Series: Initial D Oneshots [6]
Category: Initial D
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Death is mentioned a lot, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, it has a happy ending in my heart so it's okay, yep i'm doing it again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 07:34:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21175748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toffiendfee/pseuds/toffiendfee
Summary: Ryousuke is pretty certain that he is not capable of falling in love. The flowers growing in his lungs say otherwise.





	Floriography

**Author's Note:**

> <s>Hanahaki 2: Electric boogaloo</s>
> 
> <s>Ryousuke: *hopelessly pining*</s>   
<s>The flowers, taking root in his lungs: "It's free real estate"</s>
> 
> Here we go again with one of my favourite AUs. This time, Ryousuke gets to suffer. <s>Don't worry, I will hit Takumi with it too to complete the trifecta.</s>
> 
> If this is the first time you encounter this AU, here's the quick rundown again: The Hanahaki Disease is born from unrequited love. Flowers start growing in the patient's lungs and slowly suffocate them to death. Symptoms include coughing and/or vomiting petals and entire flowers. The disease is lethal, but can be treated by either having the feelings be reciprocated or getting a surgery which, along with the flowers, removes all feelings for the other person.
> 
> This is also an AU where both Kaori and Rin are dead, though that will become clear soon enough.
> 
> I might have made a giant mess of the tenses in this fic and I don't have the mind to work it out at the moment, so: Sorry for that. ^^"

_‘I should finally get rid of it,’_ Ryousuke muses as he looks down upon the pale blue petals in his palm. He has nothing to gain from holding onto it, but he has a lot of things to lose.

He never understood why someone would hold on to their feelings to the point of letting them kill them. He had no understanding for how this disease could have claimed two of his closest friends’ lives; how they could just let that _happen_. It seemed selfish to him. Unfair. Downright foolish.

Now, however, he thinks he understands it a little bit more. It just so happens to be the curse of this illness that it is born from repression, and all three of them were very good at that, Ryousuke thinks. With the petals, all feelings break out of him; feelings the like of which he has never felt before. It was hard to understand if one never even considered themselves capable of feeling like this. Such pure, unfiltered affection was something Ryousuke never expected to experience. In fact, he hadn’t even believed in it. Besides characters in childhood fairy-tales, nobody around him ever seemed to have felt love like this.

Nobody except for Kaori and Rin, who had both died for it.

Was it worth it?

The answer, of course, was _no_. This love and this suffering were worth nothing if not requited. Ryousuke can’t even begin to imagine the reactions if he of all people chose to suffer through Hanahaki disease to the end, all for a hopeless infatuation.

_‘But still_,’ he thinks, clutching petals in his palm. _‘I never thought it could feel like this.’_

Takumi was like a vision come true. Ryousuke was shaping him to become what he could see him being in his head. This was not the first time he asked himself whether he was expecting too much of the young racer; whether he was pushing him in a direction he did not want to go. That wasn’t what love was about, was it now?

_Hydrangea macrophylla._

It’s comforting, somehow, to think of it by its scientific name. It creates an emotional distance between him and the petals, a distance he badly needs. He’s doing it the way he’s always done it before; categorising things neatly, sorting them into their assigned drawers and taking them out only when needed.

_Hydrangea macrophylla_, a name that roughly translates to “big-leafed water vessel”, referring to the appearance of its seed capsules. The name is Ancient Greek in origin. Its flowers change colour depending on the pH of the soil it grows in. Acidic soil makes them light blue while alkaline soil results in pink petals. According to that, Ryousuke’s lungs are obviously acidic in nature. If that has any effect on Hanahaki flowers, anyway. They do not really follow normal plant logic.

Interestingly Hydrangeas, among other things, symbolize “heartlessness”.

It is undeniably fascinating to Ryousuke that it’s the flowers of this plant that serve as a testament to the fact that he does, in fact, have a heart. It is an uncomfortable reminder, all things considered.

Really, he should get rid of it all as fast as he could. How unexpected: Him of all people having to get treatment for Hanahaki disease. He can already imagine the gossip.

Still, he does not blame Takumi. Ryousuke’s weakness is not Takumi’s fault.

Every thought of Takumi hurts deep in his throat and makes more petals spill. He imagines that his voice would sound rough and croaky should he try to use it now. He has met Hanahaki patients; he has seen what the disease does. Gaunt faces, cheeks sunken in and eyes glazed over by the fever that the last stage brings with it.

He should consider it a mercy that he had to see neither Kaori nor Rin like that. He knows for sure that Rin blamed both Kaori and him, bitter and not willing to let go until the very end. He does not know if Kaori scorned him in her last moment. He wouldn’t blame her for it.

This all is dangerous to think about.

To him, it will also come down to a choice in the end just like it did for them: Die in disgrace, or live losing what he has unwittingly begun to build his life around.

It really is supposed to be an easy choice. When had he ever been the one to decide about his own life? Only ever when he had watched his first street race, chosen to buy a car, pulled his brother into it as well, met Takumi…

Dying was indeed a freedom Ryousuke wouldn’t and couldn’t grant himself. Keisuke still needed him, and Ryousuke wouldn’t leave him alone like that as long as he could help it. And what did his feelings mean to Takumi? Nothing, he wasn’t even aware of them. What did his life mean, on the other hand?

No, Ryousuke was not going to be selfish this time.

He makes two phone calls. First, he requests for a surgery to be scheduled. Secondly, for a bouquet to be delivered, pale blue hydrangeas at the centre.

If he was to be heartless, then he would at least gift his heart to the person who had held it.

_‘In my head, I forced a role upon you that you never asked for and never could have grown into. For that, I apologise. Yet you were the one to make me see my dream in front of me as clearly as it could ever be; and through you, I came to understand. For that, I am grateful.’ _

~~~

Takumi did not understand the flowers that were thrust into his hands, and he understood the message on the attached card even less. Cryptic as usual, that Takahashi Ryousuke. Why the flowers? They were pretty, that much he had to admit. But he couldn’t think of any reason why the man would send him flowers, and that got him antsy. The subtle scent made a tickle rise up in his throat and he coughed to get rid of it.

It stayed. Stubbornly.

For some reason Takumi found himself running back inside, towards the phone.

**Author's Note:**

> Ryousuke, please get a therapist. :( 
> 
> But yeah, in my head Takumi figures out what's happening in time and the two of them work it out and nobody has to cough petals anymore. Unless you want to see this as the prequel to _The Color of Jealousy_, of course...


End file.
